When You Can See the Ending from the Beginning

You know when you watch a horror film and you spend the whole time thinking "Don't go in there!" "Why is she going in there?" and wondering how you are supposed to believe that any rational human being would make the decisions you are watching?  And then, just when you think it's over -- the baddie springs back to life for one last horror?

Well, prepare to feel that way now.

Our opening scenes begin with our hapless knitter finishing up the Donkey Jacket and shoes she is making for a friend's soon to be born baby.  The knitting has been pretty uneventful but took longer than expected - largely because the knitter failed to take into account that if you are knitting a jacket with a full lining it will take twice as long as a jacket without a lining.  This alone should alert the viewer that the knitter we are dealing with is not on top of her game.

As the knitter finishes the last piece of the shoes the background music changes slightly and you feel the tension rise as she looks at the 3 random shapes in front of her and wonders how in heck they are going to come together to be a shoe???

You watch in fear as she turns the pieces this way and that and begins madly seaming.  She tries a few permutations and then in frustration just sews the pieces together in what appears to be a random sort of way.

You watch from behind a cushion - but - it's ok. 

They turned into shoes.

You relax as the music calms down and you watch the knitter prepare to block the jacket. 

She drops it into a cool wool wash.

But as she turns away from the washing machine you see the first tell tale signs of red...dripping from the jacket onto the cream lining.  Go  back - you scream at the screen.  But she doesn't.  She's off to the shop to get something for dinner.

You know what's waiting for her when she returns.  A jacket with a pink lining.  You hope she holds her nerve.  You hope she doesn't panic.

You hope wrong.

She panics.  She wants a cream lining.  Not this pink thing.  And she's meeting the mom to be the next morning. 

And now you watch in horror as she throws it back in the washer hoping that another gentle wash will take out the dye.  Nooooooooooooooooooooooo.  She's selected the wrong setting and she hasn't noticed!  It's on a warm wash.  A long warm wash.

But she's watching the Apprentice and hasn't noticed. When the Apprentice finishes she does think it's odd that the short gentle cycle hasn't finished - but turns to BBC2 to watch "You're Fired" and puts it out of her mind.

You meanwhile are watching the little jacket go round and round and get littler.  And littler.

Cut to the final scene.  Our knitter, clutching a small, shrunken, red and pink jacket. 

The next day I gave the mom to be the slippers - which escaped the ravages of the washing machine - and a promise to knit something else when the baby is born.  The little jacket is - well - little and might possibly fit a newborn - but as a double layer felted jacket it's way too warm for a baby in July!!!